From, The Crooked One

I have not lost count
of the times I have wished
to be a better daughter
Just so I could become
A better sister to you
I haven’t lost count
I haven’t stopped trying

We’ve been through the
same but you’ve always
made the better choices
It was fascinating how
you could make my
ears ring with both
the sound of their slap, and
the pain of my laughter
How you would take
the blows for me
when I was not there
I was the reason
but I could not be any
better back then
yes, I tried
and, I failed
Never tried again
For my absence
and, my presence
“I’m sorry.”
Given another chance
I’d only try to be a
better sister

Pilot your hopes, and
Fly your dreams,
my brother
I hope you never
have to come back
to this brick and mortar
To live their lie of a
perfect family

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28 comments

  1. This is really a wrenching pain, D!. But I must say, you are very strong enough to play this sore tune so beautifully and elegantly through your poem. I am simply amazed at how the wind of lovely wishes blew your brother’s way, in the last. Just fantastic. “Given another chance I’d only try to be a better sister”—- what an innocent and honest plea. You are an amazing human. Love you for the honest and raw you. May you be surrounded by lovely relations always. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, R! Your comments boost my spirits high..above the clouds! I’m really really happy that you liked it. Separation from any family member is tough to deal with but siblings, they hold a special place, just ’cause they have always been there and know you for your good and bad, everything. I share almost everything with my brother, he’s moreover the closest friend that I have and he recently left for a prep-school which is only a few kilometers from my house but I feel so lonely and it has only been a day, he’ll be back every Saturday evening and leave Sunday morning. Hopefully I’ll get used to it and the eventual and permanent separation that’s to come. Thanks for appreciating and understanding the rawness behind this piece, R, I’m grateful for that.
      Love and hugs, my dear friend. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Have I said, “Wow” yet? Really, this is so heart wrenching and deep. I have suffered the whole, “don’t pretend we are the perfect family” thing. Mine was far from it. It kills me to see how this person (you maybe?) feels this need to gain the approval. It shouldn’t have to be gained. It should just be.
    WOW!
    ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, you’re so wow for giving me so many “wows”, Staci! ❀
      You so right for saying that approval should just be there and not have to be demanded in any form, I have stopped asking for it now, I may use it as a subject for my work because it's something I've lived with most of my life…the need to gain approval and for that the need to "impress" people – these were the ideas I was told are essential to be a 'perfect family', which never happened. All I hope and pray for now is that my brother doesn't have to come back to this place like I had to..and I know he won't – he's smart with life. πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for understanding, Staci. It matters a lot to me – your presence. ❀
      *plastic tea-mug high five* πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awwwwww, you are WOW! And so beautiful. I just feel bad that you have felt such a need to gain the approval, especially from family. I wish I could rip that out of you.
        Tons of love and many plastic tea much high fives back.
        πŸ™‚ ❀

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh wow, this is painful for me. I, too, wish I’d been a better sister–but I’m not sure how I would have accomplished that, what details to change….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know what you mean when you say that…I struggle with the same, maybe it’s too late or maybe it’s not…we’ll never know.
      Thanks so much, I’m sorry if this was a trigger in any way but I had to write this to get it out of my mind..I feel a lot better after seeing that people can relate to this feeling.

      Like

      1. Oh, don’t apologize–better to get it out, and discover there are lots of others who can relate. My Christian faith/beliefs assure me I’m forgiven for not being a perfect sister–but after repeated futile efforts to contact sibs and reconcile/make peace, I have little hope it will happen. The thing I’ve learned in the past 3 1/2 yrs, is that it’s not “all about me”–everybody has a part in the dysfunction, broken relationships.

        Like

  4. This is such a powerful and profound piece. I think we are all shaped by the family and the environment from which we come, and it’s often difficult to escape the haunting memories. Thank you for sharing, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

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