The Home That Never Was

As many eyes
So many roads
I could take any
To reach home
Home is what I’ve
eluded all my life
Cause no place
is more cruel
than that of
an aftermath
But I am tired
of running away
from where I belong

The door creaks
for hinged too long
it has been to that frame
to be enchanted by it
The ceiling damp and cracked
for the rain now thunders
in to rest on the floor
The wall bricks sing
hymns in broken rattles
for the cold inside the house
abounds that on the outside

The ghosts of the present
haunt me no more –
That house
was only a part of
my alien imagination
Home is what I’ve
loved all my life
cause no place is more
beautiful than the past not lived
But, I am tired of
going back to where I belong

So, I give myself
one more chance
To deceive my
digressive past
and look for an
ambiguous future

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33 comments

  1. Wow!!…”no place is more beautiful than the past not lived”…amazing words. I know that place….and I don’t believe it has anything to do with regret….only to do with circumstances…. that I wasn’t aware I could choose differently…and thinking the past not lived HAD to be far more pleasing than the one that was lived. I don’t profess to give your meaning here…only to share how your words have struck me. Thank you so much for the beauty of your soul!! ❀ ❀

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    1. Thank you so much, Lorrie for understanding! I concur with every word – circumstances, yes they determine our choices which could have been different but were not and hence we are where we are, good or bad is for no one to decide. I’m very glad you liked that line – all it symbolizes is that to look in the past and regret it is easy but to understand that we did what we did because we could not be any different – THAT is a leap of faith, a faith in our past selves. I am ever so thankful that your read this and shared your thoughts, totally made my day.
      Much love and many smiles for you, my friend. ❀ ❀

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      1. It feels comforting, I think, to find someone who appears to have traveled a similar road. I can talk to people in my world who really care for me…but they just don’t GET it…and in reality I don’t really want them to GET it because I honestly wouldn’t want anyone in the world to understand that kind of abuse. So, I think when you write I can connect on a level that is so full of understanding it is like we are the same person. I know that may sound strange to some….maybe to you as well…but it feels like truth to me. Anyway…I think you are amazing and I am so happy you are in my life!!! ❀ ❀

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      2. I completely understand what you mean by that, Lorrie, not wanting anyone else to get it ’cause to get it means to get into it and that’ll be too painful and drastic for someone who has never been here. I know, right? When I read you comment, I felt the same, the feeling of oneness, like you’ve always known me. It doesn’t sound strange at all..it super cool something like telepathy if i had to give it a name, a heart to heart telepathy. It is the truth, yes! I too LOVE the fact that I found YOU here! You’re the loveliest! Much love and a giant warm hug, my friend. ❀ ❀ ❀

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      3. Perfect words…they are exactly what I was trying to say. Especially the part about maybe scaring people who have not had this kind of life. I had someone offer me pity recently. ..they said they felt so sorry that I had to go through the kinds of things that I did. And it’s funny…but I didn’t want pity…because it was real…my reality…and I did the best that I could. And I’ve learned so much…so I prefer to celebrate my journey. ..to honor those hard lessons and to make a vow that I ALWAYS try to do better! ❀ ❀

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  2. So much to think about in this, I may have to come back later and study some more–as I suspect I’ll have a poem come to me, from pondering. Thanks always. (I’m especially sitting on the same line lorriebowden mentioned.)

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  3. Just like some of your other readers I got stuck with the stanza ” … cause no place is more beautiful than the past not lived …” and something bothered me about it, altough I think it’s a brilliant line in a wonderful poem. I still cannot quite figure out what it is … but my feeling is, there is a more beautiful place. It’s the place where the past not lived fades to the present lived better than the past. Isn’t it? Looking at it this way would ruin your poem though so it’s best the way you put it (… see me smile …). Do you understand german by the way? I was wondering the other day when you liked one of my german poems. Best … P.

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  4. The hopeful attitude is beautifully limned in the poem. “No place is more beautiful than the past not lived”..brilliantly said. How creatively beautiful it is to deceive the past…..Love your deep thoughts, Light. Hope you are geared up for the exam. All the best! πŸ™‚

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  5. “no place is more
    beautiful than the past not lived”
    –This is a powerful piece. It sounds like tough times have been had, my friend. At first when I read this line, I was a bit confused. But after reading it, and Lorrie’s comment, I understand much better. It’s like what was lived in the past, isn’t what you wanted to live. And not living it, and thinking about how it could have been, paints a beautiful picture.
    I think I’m going to have to read this again, my friend. A powerful piece indeed.
    Maybe we can go over it with a nice cup of tea and I just finished baking some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
    Much love sweetie. ❀

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    1. YES! Thank you, you understood exactly what I meant to say. Exactly, it paints a beautiful picture but maybe not accurate, that’s something which remains forever unknown. Thanks so much for the encouraging words, Staci. It’s so great to have you in my life. You’re lovely. ❀
      πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ –> See that's the four of us, you, your kids, and I!! YAY!

      Much love for you too, it's so great to come back after two days and see such a 'smiling' comment! And, now I must go listen to some songs on your blog. Thank you! πŸ˜€

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