Body Map | Day 1

tumblr_mjh2bzAx9f1rdi7mfo1_500

The room was spotless white – floors, walls, people. Three white tiled walls and the fourth one a mirror. As I sat there reclining on the chair testing its tolerance, I wondered endlessly if there is a mirror on the wall or it is a mirror wall.

“Hah!, that is what landed me here. My love for anything trivial.”

My first day at the rehab and I was resolute on planting the ‘harmless-girl’ image. Everywhere, it has to be the same. Walk under the radar. Slip under the radar. Jump over the radar. Shimmy in the radar. It’s just a line, anyway.

‘Show us your story’ it says on the body map page. They offered me a colour pencil set but I needed only one.

“Hey, where’re you lost?”, asked the girl sitting next to me.

“Sorry? Who ar…”

“I love colouring these! Don’t you?”

“It’s my first day here, I haven’t done this before”, I said as she looked away, filling the sheet enthusiastically. She had a cotton ball in one hand with which she mixed the colours occasionally, making sure it never went out of the outline. The look on her face was priceless, she could have been the happiest person on the planet at that moment, or for a while. Her eyes glowed like the dying white of the room, starkly contrasting the black gown she wore. 

I stared at my blank sheet. Making friends at such a place, is the last thing I want. I don’t want to be good to people. It creates a dilating circle of being good for the sake of meeting expectations, and that frustrates me. I hate it when someone worries for me, and all of that starts with one kind word, a soft smile, a friendly gesture…I want to be like the air in oxygen tanks –  someone who can be used at times of need and not cared for otherwise. 

Why is it bad that I don’t feel the need to be happy? I just want to stay where I am. 

What made me the way I am? When did everything in my head get so twisted. There’s never an answer for it. It just happens. On my way to where I am, I became who I am. 

‘Show us your story’ – The words flashed in my face. 

They want me to show my story in colours.

I wonder what is the colour of words.

 

Advertisements

27 comments

  1. Brilliantly impacting writing, D! Though we love to show a particular color we love….but our life story shows both liked and disliked colors. It is a matter of choice….on which color you want to focus your strength amidst all the other colors.
    Is this a fiction or your real story? Sorry to ask…but why REHAB? What happened to you? Hope you are doing all well.

    Like

  2. You amaze me sweetie. This is a very powerful story. Are you speaking out of your own feelings? Ohhhhh, I hope not. This is the unfortunate reality of soooo many people. Our past and experiences shape us. They truly do.
    Are you ok? I sure hope so.
    🙂

    Like

    1. Thank you, Staci! It’s great that I amaze you, hehehe! 😀

      Ah, yes most parts are my own feelings – our experiences do shape us, yes, and it’s impossible to separate them from us. There will be more parts of this story as I have something in my mind, let’s see if I can execute it. Hopefully, it’ll make sense. ^_^
      I’m doing okay, hope you’re well too! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have tough experiences from my past. So much so that I went through the wringer during my 20s. I’ve gone through a ton of inner healing though. I hope and pray the same for you sweetie.
        I look forward to seeing where you go with this.
        🙂 ❤

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much, Lorrie. I know that you worry about me and you’re in my thoughts too, a LOT! And I talk about you with my some of my friends as well! It’s so great that I have got to know you through good times and bad times – that makes our bond stronger. I have received your healing energy, my friend, and I’m much better today. I feel peaceful. Hope you’re feeling better. Prayers and love. 🙂 ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah…I finally got in! Thank you dear friend! I feel much better…I have been pushing myself…so right now I am tired. But my mind is in a much better place 🙂 Much love!!! ❤

        Like

    1. WOW! Thanks so much – I’ve always feared that I have no range but your words are very comforting, as always, my friend. 🙂
      Also for the nomination! It’s such an honour, really, to receive it from one of my favourite writers. Totally made my day! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re definitely one of my favorites. I’m glad I was able to do something nice for you. It’s very much deserved, ALL the awards for Bird! 🙂
        Just the good ones of course.

        Liked by 1 person

Titanise your thoughts and earn Sparrow Points

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s