a sip of sanctified sauce

Classes are going great. It is (perhaps) no joke for me to admit that I am actually trying to be attentive in lectures, which might change after the result for the first trimester. Yes, that’s where it starts. The time where your thoughts run faster than your legs causing an incongruity which results in heating up of your patience. Voila! You realize that you’re actually a giant living and breathing jelly – wobbling, trying to find balance between grades and The Expected Grades. I call it TEGRA (The Expected GRAdes). You can too, if you are so inclined to be called strange or cool considering what you think of the word ‘Trigo’. But, that’s okay. Keeping in sight where I might have fallen had I not found the right distractions with such perfect timings, I take certain remarks thrown at me as compliments. Here’s where I lack though. I don’t know how to play catch. We will touch on that in some other post, i guess.

The one thing that puts me off about this course is how nothing is in a straight line, it’s all quite muddled up and vague. So much so that you might just zone out between two lectures and not know the difference (thanks to my profound knowledge in the subjects). But, today we had an interesting lecture – Business Communication. The professor was a lanky man, probably in his mid thirties. As he walked in I knew there was something about the disgusted look on his face which could prove to be enlightening. After struggling through a lousy attempt at checking attendance he started with a disgruntling question “How many of you talk to yourself?” Many hands were high, and strongly so, like a lamppost as if we were to be graded on that, most were dwindling, some didn’t acknowledge the question. Now, according to the Professor, talking to ourselves is how good we are at convincing ourselves. The example he sighted was how some people choose to groom themselves – there are those who manage to talk themselves out of their beds early morning and work-out or exercise while the rest simply slide on rainbows in dreamland or rather talk themselves into sleeping an hour more.
I’m a relentless resident of The Tea Rainbow so I found this thought quite hilarious.

How did he arrive at the conclusion that only talking to ourselves into actions that might result in something positive is, as he named it, ‘effective relationship with oneself’? Talking to oneself is a way of introspection – effective or not is totally subjective, isn’t it? He probably used that example prompting us the way to choose when we were thrown in the same delirium as Robert Frost was. Although in my opinion, had he talked to himself effectively before delivering the lecture he would have shown us the sky instead of handing us an inflated cloud. He could have given his insight about introspection and it’s usability in terms of making decisions and thinking before speaking or even just speaking in general (where I lack on a severe degree). I have found that the days when I either write or have a role-play-like discussion with myself I can think clearer. So, simply put, if I had a better relationship with myself then what I wrote here I would have spoken in the classroom. Oh, the paradox of not knowing the result yet daring to introspect.
The make believe way of teaching is probably the worst of all.

Other than that the rest of the lecture was pretty regular – plant seeds of inspiration, water it with a demotivating front, and fuck nurturing – the next lecture starts in fifteen minutes!

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